Elevated Perspectives

I’m in the roof of my house tonight painting my RSJ’s that we: (Paul, his dad Billy, my nephew and myself) hauled into place using the Egyptian method. Cheap abundant labour and sweat. 3 x Steel beams replaced the wooden purlins from a little known local fabricator, Alexander Steel.

I’m making myself laugh to pass the time, painting is so very dull. I wasn’t listening to comedy, I was just thinking about my own life. By way of sex life anyway. I recently broke up with my man. I thought I was infertile until I realised he was on the male contraceptive. Yeah the male contraceptive exists, the name, Call of Duty, Black Ops.

I had needed time to heal after the break up, to focus on finishing renovating my house and keep busy. So I had taken up learning Chinese and started to reconnect with old friends. After a few weeks it all felt too much like hard work, what I really needed was to have sex!

Bored of love, I wanted to get slammed. Wise from my experiences I was thinking about sex strategically. A light bulb moment, if only my next lover was a Chinese certified electrician. The second fix could be cheap fun if we don’t get our wires crossed.

The place to go for pearl necklaces, Honk Kong 2020.

So that is exactly what I did. Except I couldn’t find a Chinese person who was also an electrician, so I opted for just a Chinese.

My Chinese is so good that he can talk with his mouth full I can still understand him. Post orgasm we talk about deep and meaningful topics. Eventually the topic turns political, which was always a funny one, as I got to teach him word in English that he didn’t even know in Chinese.

Him: “You have voting?”

Me: “Yes, its called a democracy”

Him: ” and every five years you have erections?”

I had to point him to the general erection ballot box in my pants that everyone pops their vote into.

I went to Wuhan in 2019, before you knew where the Wuhan it was. I didn’t catch Covid because I don’t fuck Pangolins.

I was there to learn yoga. I was in fully self sustainable yoga centre, in a valley of bamboo forest hills not eating animals. Although I ate so many eggs that eventually they made my vagina smell.

I was more at risk of my boyfriend cheating on me then getting the VID whilst in Wuhan.

Oh wait my boyfriend did get laid . But I didn’t get Covid he did. Ha

Remind them you’re kinda a big deal and that you think doormen should be replaced by Voi scooters.

Anyway I digress.

Don’t fall in love.

Learn Chinese.